Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. ~ Oscar Wilde

Every portrait that is painted with feeling is a portrait of the artist, not of the sitter. ~ Oscar Wilde

Ah, but in this case, I am both the artist as well as the sitter. So, as the current beliefs say, these portraits are even more revealing.

I started out with a self portrait I would never have guessed I would have the courage to do. Or at least, the courage to do and show. I was inspired to bare the reconstructed breast, while it is still in its WIP stage (Work In Progress). I feel it is representative of the fact that both the breast, as well as my life, are works in progress. I bared the breast, but kept my face hidden. I was playing with the idea of being both naked to the world, and yet hidden. A friend helped with the title, Life In Progress, because as she put it, "you are not only a breast".

Life In Progress

12 x 18

Pan Pastel on coloured Strathmore 500 series paper

The next painting was based on a photo that had been taken of me while I was laughing someones joke. I liked it, and thought it would lend itself to being done in oils, impasto style. I used more vibrant colours to give it more punch. I wanted it to be looser in style, and thought it might be good to keep my shirt on for at least one of the self portraits.

Untitled

16 x 20

Oil, Impasto on canvas

The third painting was inspired after the second, but I actually started work on it in between working on the other two. Again, playing with the idea of being both naked and hidden. This time, though the painting is not as revealing, you can see I am naked in the moonlight, and yet still hidden by the mask. I do wish that in the photo, I could capture the details of the glitter that I embedded in the gold and purple details of the mask. In person, these details really "pop" as a result of that glitter.

Moonlight Celebration

16 x 20

Oil on canvas

So, what inspired me to start with self portraits? I entered a contest called "The Power of Self" - an artists contest of self-portraiture. You can see my entries here.  Please, while you are there vote for me, by clicking on the stars at the top of the page. A click on the fifth star is the highest rating, on the fist star, it's the lowest rating.

I am looking forward to your votes - and to putting my shirt back on!

It is a great piece of skill to know how to guide your luck even while waiting for it. ~ Baltasar Gracian

While I have been waiting to hear from the university, I have been keeping myself busy with more exploration, and some other more familiar paths. I dreamt an abstract painting - well, at least I dreamt the main components of it. The size, and basic colours, and the basic look, with one corner of the painting standing out in the dream. How fortuitous that I'd been in the art store, and seen the exact colour I would be needing for this painting. Pthalo Blue is not an easy colour to find in a pouring paint!

Here then, is the series of paintings I did with Ptahlo Blue mixed directly into the plaster. The first of these is the one I dreamt, and the others were more playing with it after I'd done the first. I just love all the tones and shades with Pthalo Blue!

Midnight Splash - 24" x 24" Mixed media acrylic

Untitled for the moment - 16" x 20"

Untitled for the moment - 11" x 14"

Untitled for the moment - 10" x 10"

Untitled for the moment - 12" x 12"

Another thing I have been doing is working with Pan Pastels. After eyeing the set for a year and a half, my partner gifted me with them, and I have enthusiastically embraced them.

6" x 8"

Salkantay - 12" x 18"

Yet another medium that I purchased, and started working with is Scratchbord. These are made with archival quality board and clay, and finally painted with black  india ink, so that when you scratch through, the white clay is exposed underneath. You can then use the coloured india inks to colour in where you have scratched. You can re-scratch after applying colour, and colour again, allowing you to layer the colouring. This medium is reminiscent of etching, and really lends itself to wonderful textures!

The first one I tried was very basic, and allowed me to simply get the feel of the tools on the board.

Purple Aura 5" x 7" Scratchbord and ink

Next up, I wanted to do something much more challenging. Considering I haven't done any animals in any medium (other than one abstract a few months ago), I figured this would do, as far as challenging myself.

5" x 7" Scratchbord and ink

I have also entered a couple of art contests...next week, I'll post some of those entries, and show you the first self portraits I have done in about 28 years!

The world becomes fresh and hopeful and new, when we create. ~ Lynda Lehmann

Sometimes, life gets ahead of me. With all the best intentions, I have not made it back here to blog. Inspired to create, but not to write. Where has it been, my enthusiasm? It's currently residing in the hands of the administrators for OCAD University, where I applied to go back to school, and do my Masters of Fine Art degree.

The application went in near the end of January, and I have been enthusiastically waiting to her back from them. It's about all I can think of. I didn't want to blog until I heard some news about it, but then, I had expected to be called for an interview by now. No such luck, but as ever, I am hopeful. While I wait, I boost my hope and feelings with creating.

This semester, I am taking a class called Anatomy for Artists. Learning and studying the underlying muscles and bone structure is fascinating to me. We spent the first 2 classes drawing the skeleton, and the class after that drawing from a plastic figure that looks like a person who has had his skin peeled off to reveal the musculature. Since then, we have been drawing from life models, and what a joy it has been!

For this class session, we were focusing in on the torso - front and back. The mistake I made in the second drawing: I had only a rough outline of his face by the end of the pose, and tried to go back and complete his face after the class - from memory. Ugh! Wrecked the drawing!

The next class we focused on the hips and legs. I added as much detail of arms or torso as was needed to show his position, but tried to learn from the previous mistake and didn't fill in details of his face without him in front of me

Next, we had a female model. A few shorter poses, before focusing in on the head and face for two poses.

With a different female model in the next session, we then worked on arms, hands and feet.

In between classes, I have been doing a variety of things. I have some new abstracts to post. I also just got a set of Pan Pastels and some Scratchbord, both of which are exciting new mediums to work with. I'll post those results in the next few days.

You can borrow all the flour you want but you have to bake your own bread. ~ unknown

So, it has been a while since I posted. I have been up to my ears in it to say the least! As you know, when last I blogged, I was about to have surgery - a mastectomy with immediate reconstruction using natural tissues. I was up for it, I was mentally prepared to lose the breast, to expect a certain amount of pain, immobility, but I knew I could deal with it. However, I was not prepared for what was to actually follow.

The day after the surgery, a second emergency surgery due to a hematoma that burst inside of me, causing me to lose too much blood, too fast.

The day after that, my partners heart failed, and he ended up in hospital for a total of 3 weeks, being tested every which way, in preparation for having the aortic valve replaced in his heart. He'd known he had a congenital defect in his heart. Doctors said that the stress of what I was going through, pushed him over the edge, and his heart failed. Luckily, he was able to get to the hospital early enough, and they were able to fix it with surgery after multiple tests.

Then just 3 weeks after my second surgery, the doctors said that the skin around the reconstructed breast was failing, and I might need yet another surgery, for skin grafts this time. We were in a wait and see mode. Sure enough, 2 weeks later, they booked the surgery, putting me back into hospital exactly 6 weeks after my fist surgery, for surgery number 3.

Through all of this, I have done my level best to focus on recovery, and to live as normal a life as may be possible. Naturally, I focused in on my painting. I had started a series of paintings before the surgeries that were to be in an exhibit called "Almost Edible". The idea behind the exhibit: evoke a sense of taste, or smell, or texture of food. Make the viewer look at the piece and think, "Mmmmm".

Here is a look at the pieces that were eventually accepted into the exhibit.

Inspired by Lindt

10" x12" Acrylic on canvas

Taste & Sensation

16" x 20" Acrylic on canvas

Champagne Dreams

12" x 16" Acrylic/mixed media on canvas

Brie Nice To Me

10" x 10" Acrylic on canvas

Party Time!

Plastic sculpture, now mounted on gold colored canvas Approximately 10" tall

Cookware Bouquet

Plastic sculpture, approximately 18 inches tall.

Here is a very short video walk around of it:

Food of the Gods

Sculpture: ceramic/mixed media approximately 24 inches tall

Here is a very short video walk around of it:

Lastly, there was another painting that was included in this exhibition, though not originally created for this specific exhibition.

Owed to My Father

11" x 14" Acrylic/mixed media on canvas

These pieces are all still on exhibit at George Brown College, in the Hospitality building, until the end of January, 2011. The paintings are available for sale on my Artfire site, as well as through the exhibit. You can see the original blog post about this piece here.

And, I will resume more regular posting now that I am over the hump, so to speak.

To send light into the darkness of men's hearts - such is the duty of the artist. ~ Schumann

Over the past couple of months, as I have been going through this whole ordeal of being diagnosed with breast cancer, and now approaching my surgery date on November 1st, one of the things that has been repeatedly said to me, is that people are surprised how positive my attitude is.

For the most part, I agree. Once I got over having heard that I have cancer, and got over the thought of losing a breast, the only real option, in my opinion, is to focus on what happens after. I refuse to live my life in misery because of this, and I do have that choice.

Do I have some fears about this? Sure. I am more afraid though of the actual surgery, than I am of dying of cancer. I am not even that afraid of pain after the surgery, though no one likes pain. Pain is temporary, as is the cancer. It's the actual surgery itself that scares me. My grandmother died on the table when I was 17 years old, and even though I know intellectually that they were operating on her heart, whereas they won't be going anywhere near my life dependant systems, I have that fear. Irrational, I know.

Once the surgery is over, I need to move on, and I need to live my life. I have prepared myself as best as I can, finding photos of post operative reconstructive surgeries, and reading about various patients' experiences. I have looked at the scars, I have cried, and then I have told myself that I can do this.

I have previously joked in this blog about how my paintings have had boobs showing up in them. Of course, I have had the surgery very much on my mind. Keeping my sense of humour has helped me keep things in perspective.

Somewhere along the line, when I was doing the found objects projects, I found some of those plastic egg containers that you can put toys or treats inside of, and once again I was thinking boobs.

I started a painting - one that was my way of saying goodbye to my breast. When my teacher saw it, he suggested a different approach, saying I didn't need to be quite so literal. He suggested "lots of feathers". So, I have done the art pieces both ways, because I really wanted to express this the way I originally saw it in my minds eye, but also thought that the other approach was worth trying as well.

Using the egg cups as breasts, but also as symbols of renewal, I gave them golden wings using gold leaf. 

With Golden Wings To Fly

16" x 20" Acrylic and plastic on stretched canvas

Next, I used found feathers from the lakeshore, and the remaining pink egg cups to create another way of saying it.

Thinking Beyond Pink

16" x 20" feathers and plastic on stretched canvas

It has been suggested to me that I should put myself in a place where I can be an example to other women going through this. To help them to have the same positive attitude that I have. I am not sure how I can do that, or even if I am the greatest of examples. I cannot choose their attitude for them. But I hope that maybe my work can show them at least one way of dealing with it. Maybe in this way, I can help send light into the darkness of someones heart, somehow, somewhere.

The world is perfect. As you question your mind, this becomes more and more obvious. - Byron Katie

After enjoying the found objects project so much, I felt like it would be great to repeat that kind of exercise. So, of course, I was quite pleased to find an amazing little "bird cage" made of wicker, with a little plastic bird attached on the outside.

What was the first thing I thought of doing with it? Well, put a cat in it of course! I came home to our kitten, and wondered if she would allow me to put her inside. Sweet thing that she is, she sat quietly long enough for me to grab a picture of her, then I lifted it off her, while I laughed maniacally, and uploaded the picture to Facebook for my friends to see.

I wasn't done though. I still wanted to put a cat in it for my found objects project. Now, I just needed to find the components to do that. On the day of my class, I still hadn't found said objects. Which is why, when my son came racing down the stairs for the fourth time in the past couple of weeks, saying he was late again, and needing a lift again, I was frankly peeved. I wanted to spend my morning figuring out my project.

Reluctantly, I agreed to drive him to his friends place, telling him to look out for peoples garbage at the end of driveways, or garage sales. As life would have it, just around the corner from his friends place, there was a house with a large Home Depot container for renovation garbage. My son thought I was crazy, but I rang their doorbell, and asked if I could look through their container for stuff to make my art project with, and - bingo! 

Which just makes me smile and say, ain't life perfect sometimes?

"Humbled"

L-12" x W-12" x H-14"

"The nude portrait is only incidentally about the naked person in the middle of the room." - Paula Brook

I love the quote that I have used to open this post, and these examples from the past two weeks are great illustrations of it.

In my first class this semester, we were discussing making art with found objects, and the upcoming work we would be doing with it. Not having any objects with us, with which to start though, we were told we could go to the studio next door, and paint from the life model who was there.

So, off I went to sketch from the life model, who was a slim man with well defined muscles, though not overly built. I figured I would do a fast sketch, then bring the canvas back to the other room, so as not to be overly influenced, and stray too close to realism. I wanted the finished product to definitely look like a portrait, but an abstracted one. Once I abstracted from the sketch though, in place of his pectoral muscle, was a glaring boob! I thought I was done with the boob paintings, that I had expressed whatever I needed to about my current circumstances, but clearly, my unconscious mind has decided I am not.

I really like this painting though. There is something in the colours and freedom of the painting, and it just feels right to me.

Abstracted Figure

18 x 24 Acrylic on canvas

Next came the Found Objects project. This was fun, as you don't really know what you'll be creating until you find something. First I found a cabinet with glass doors, so I took the doors off to use them for my frame. Next, I found a leftover container from a Kinder Surprise toy. Naturally, given my circumstances, that reminded me of boobs - again! So, I went with the flow, and allowed the idea that started to form take life. A couple of shoelaces, some string, a little wire and a light switch later, I had what I needed for this one. 

I had thought I would look for some material to use as curtains behind the glass, but my teacher said we should look at it against a white background. When we did, the lighting revealed some really interesting shadows and effects, so I decided to leave it as is. By the way, yes, the light switch does go up and down.  

Here is a second picture with the table in the background, so that you can see the lines a little bit better.

Opening Doors

Approximately 36 x 24, glass, wood and more.

After all this, I thought, really thought, that I would be finally done with the boob paintings. But, wait 'till you see what I came up with next....